Many of us believe life will be better by reaching those goals, so we make our plans, put our nose to the grindstone, and work our butts off until we’re there.
Many high achievers I’ve worked with over the years reach their goals, but they end up missing their lives in the process–and not in a trivial “I’m-working-too-hard-to-have-friends” kind of way.
No, they reach their goals and discover they were the wrong goals and the wrong path to get there. No one taught them how to set goals that would give them the life and the career they wanted.
Here’s how to set the right goals for the life you actually want:
1. STOP SETTING GOALS FOR THE WRONG REASON
The first step to setting goals that will bring you an awesome life is to stop setting goals that will bring you a sucky life.
Most goals are about a destination. “I want a million dollars.” “I want enlightenment.” “I want a truck.” If you tend to set your goals based on the destination, and don’t consider the journey, try switching it around.
2. CHOOSE A GOAL TO CREATE A JOURNEY
Instead of setting life goals, think about setting a life direction. Figure out the things that would create a fun, meaningful, compelling journey.
Ask yourself:
- How do I want to spend my time?
- What daily activities make me want to leap out of bed?
- What do I want to learn?
- Who do I want to hang out with? Talk with? Collaborate with?
Now set your goal. Choose one that will create the journey you just designed.
In fact, the specific goal you set is almost arbitrary–it’s simply setting a direction so the pursuit itself gives you the life that you want. With the right journey, it won’t even matter if you reach your goal.
For example, one of my clients, Mary, a mid-career finance executive, had an original life goal of making a small fortune. That goal led to an education in securities and securities law, a life of financial analysis on with some of the biggest banks, and a community of financial professionals. Despite the money, Mary feels like life is slipping by in a grey fog.
Any number of goals could send Mary on a different journey. Here are her answers to the above questions:
- How do I want to spend my time? “Helping people.”
- What activities make me want to leap out of bed? “Problem solving, using my body, and public speaking.”
- What do I want to learn? “History, anthropology, and urban design.”
- Who do I want to hang out with? ”Creative, ambitious, motivated people who expose me to new ways of thinking and challenge my assumptions.”
Many possible goals can bring about this journey for Chris. He could help an immigrant neighbour hood plan annual events to preserve its cultural identity; work on designing her city’s response plan for weather emergencies; or champion a real estate development in a historic section of town.
These goals are wildly different from one another, but what they all share is that the journey to reach them will motivate the activities, learning, and community that Mary really wants out of life.
3: FAST FOREWARD 10 YEARS FROM NOW. WHAT DOES YOUR LIFE LOOK LIKE?
This is my favourite question that I like to ask myself, and my clients too. The way we play in life now with our habits rituals and behaviours will absolutely undeniably dictate our journey and destination over the next 10 years. 10 years may sound like it’s a long way away but I know from my own experience my 30’s have literally just gone in the blink of an eye.
In hind- sight the last decade has really shown me that life is too short to be compromising and accommodating your life to suit other’s limitations (including our own inner limitations) and models of the world. You need to work with and collaborate with those that reflect the life and journey you want to live and experience.
Get real with yourself,
- What habits, rituals, behaviours need to go ??????
- What habits, rituals, behaviours must you adopt????
- What people do you need in your life helping you grow into your journey?
- What people, environments and things must you leave behind to clear the path for you? (This one’s a hard one to take on board and the very reason most people will fail living a fulfilling journey and life, purely because you are attached to comfort even if its’ not desirable)
REMEMBER EVERY LEVEL HAS A DEVIL, How many levels do you need to client in your journey? Do you find yourself looping every time to reach the gate keepers door????
4. IF THE GOAL DOESN’T WORK, CHANGE IT
As you can see, the goal is really just a way of making sure we take a meaningful journey. Some journeys are so much fun, people stay on them forever. My actor friends often say, “Why would I retire? What I do isn’t work; it’s pure fun!”
But if your job involves staring at a screen and filing TPS reports, you may not share that sentiment. As much press as persistence gets, keep in mind that you can always change your direction. Your goal is there to shape your life in a way that delights you, not enslaves you. If the pursuit of the goal is draining your life, then why keep it?
We adopt goals for one reason and one reason only: to change our lives. Rather than adopting a goal you hope will change your life once you reach it, do it the other way around. Choose the journey that for you would be awesome–the activities, personal growth, and friends. Then choose a goal that acts as a compass to give you that life as part of the journey.
And if you ever feel your direction needs changing, change goals. Because it’s not about where you end up, it’s about the life you live on the way. Your life is too precious to settle for less than extraordinary.